The Duchess of Duh-mesticity

I have a new guilty pleasure: hate-watching With Love, Meghan, the just-launched Netflix lifestyle show of obviousness featuring the royal housewife formerly known as Meghan Markle.

Trying to bee relatable

The series begins with the duchess and a weird beekeeper harvesting honey from her hives. He does the scary parts; she does the fun parts. The two then lick honey together. Overjoyed, she embraces him because nature's bounty makes her want to hug a servant.

The Duchess and the de rigeur gay bestie 

Next, Meghan (loving her yet?) enjoys a visit from her subservient gay bestie and makeup artist, a page straight out of Barefoot Contessa Ina Garten's playbook. The contessa and the duchess are both drawn to the gays and the gays (ahem) to them like bees to Meghan's honey.

This bald best buddy looks on in forced veneration as she holds him captive in a kitchen that isn't even hers and teaches him to do obvious things like making pasta and frosting a cake. The entire series is an avalanche of the obvious: blowing up balloons, frying bacon, making frittatas, brewing sun tea, and arranging fruit by color to form a rainbow. 

Episode 2 offers lessons in entitlement; Meghan opens her mouth, and the privilege comes out. 

Former The Office actress, fellow mom, and fashion slave Mindy Kaling shows up in head-to-toe denim by Valentino, the new “it” brand, to learn how to throw a party for her kids without enlisting her event planner. Meghan assures Kaling that she can do it herself and fire the event planner, “not that I’m trying to get anyone fired.”

The two make cucumber sandwiches and—I will give her this; ladybug-shaped—caprese crostini toasts with chevre for the kids because nothing says “kids' party” like cucumber sandwiches and caprese crostini toasts with chevre. Kids love goat cheese, right? But the kids never arrive; this is just a dry run so Kaling can go home and spread cheese on her own crackers.

An excruciatingly awkward moment arrives when Kaling commits the cardinal sin of referring to her hostess as Meghan Markle. “I think it’s so funny,” seethes Markle, “that you still call me Markle when now I am Sussex.” She holds forth on the importance of sharing a last name with one’s kids and husband. “Now I know,” Kaling, abashed, peeps.

Kaling tries to redeem herself by praising Sussex's “lewk,” a colloquialism lost on the duchess. When she finally understands that "lewk" means "look," she boasts that she likes to mix “high and low” clothing by combining Zara, a cheap knockoff line, with Loro Piana, the impossibly high-priced Italian luxury cashmere brand. She favors buttery hues.

The duchess and the dope:
Megan shows Mindy how to throw a haute kids' party

The episode climaxes when the two actresses retreat to an outdoor tea house adorned with a set decorator's evident work. “You don’t have to spend a lot of money on this stuff,” they both lie. You can get all the expensive props at flea markets and the food and flowers at Trader Joe’s. At that point, I'd had enough.

Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, likes to play-act at being normal. But here’s the rub: I am pretty damn sure that I, a commoner, can not only cook bacon better than her highness, but I can also out-normal her. Anyone can.

And that seems to sting her more than all the bees in her hive.

--

Don't go anonymous: Please type your name after your comments. It's as simple as that.