The Real Point of College

Around this time last year, my youngest niece, Morgan, went off to the College of Charleston. Her mother and I engaged in many anticipatory conversations—about the school’s locale, what to bring, the city’s dining scene, roommates, sororities, and how to survive the grueling heat. When I told her that she never talked about academics, her response was crisp and pre-emptive: “That’s just school,” she said.

Taken aback, I retreated and reflected. Being a student was fundamental to my identity when I was Morgan’s age. I chose a college for its academic excellence and decidedly not for the charms of 1980s New Haven. Some of my fondest memories of Yale are from classrooms and lecture halls. And yet.

Much as I hate to admit it when this happens, my sister was on to something. While academics may have been at the forefront of my college career, a lot of life happened during those four years, and I was unprepared for most of it.

Not everyone is lucky enough to go away to college. But for those who are, launching independent young adults is the real point. Your mother can’t do your laundry forever. 

For someone from Ohio, there is tremendous value and opportunity in venturing outside one’s home state—some of it from seeing how the rest of the country sees us. For many, this is the only time they will get this perspective.

I only remember morsels of Psych 101 and Russian history. But the connections I forged, along with the camaraderie and conversations about life and the future I had with friends, have lasted a lifetime.

The heart remembers more from those years than the head does.

In 1980, I wish someone had sat me down and told me these things. If I had known my real education would be in developing the skills of independence and pursuing deep and diverse friendships, I might have seen things differently and even deprioritized academics. I would have relaxed a bit.

My niece Morgan 
in Charleston

Morgan is back in Charleston for her sophomore year; she is supremely independent and spends her summers as an overnight camp counselor. One of her sisters is finishing a year of learning at the Condé Nast School of Fashion and Design in London. The oldest is taking Boston by storm in a career in sports and entertainment management.

I now see that developing life skills is college's most important curriculum. My sister, who excels in her job as a mother and never thought of herself as a student, knew something all along that I did not.