The Naked Truth About Public Nudity

A recent Atlantic article on “The Decline of Streaking” stated that fifty years ago, “you couldn’t watch a live televised event without the possibility that a nude person might beeline past the camera.” Streakers disrupted the Oscars, the Olympics, Wimbledon, and even a Pan Am flight.

The Oscars Streaker interrupts host David Niven (1974)

I will go one step further. You couldn’t even take a 9th-grade field trip without being exposed to someone exposing himself.

The Chesterfield

Around 1976, Mr. Peters, a kindly baldheaded teacher at University School, wanted us boys to know something about the city we lived in and took us to check out the then-recently completed Chesterfield apartment building downtown. After touring the lobby and chic apartments, we visited the building’s gym facility, where a man was peddling on an exercise bike—buck-naked.

This dedicated nudist was perhaps unprepared for a class of twenty teenage boys to come through and gawk at him. His face turned bright red, and he redoubled his peddling as if he could get the stationary bike to take flight.

I cannot comprehend the logic of exercising in the nude. Yes—I have heard of nude yoga, but an exercise bike? Pity the poor soul who used the equipment after him or the one responsible for cleaning it.

Exterior, Cleveland Schvitz

This nude-is-better logic also applies to schvitz culture. For the unindoctrinated, taking the schvitz is a bonding ritual that I believe owes its origins to Eastern European Jewish culture. I only see one other schvitz nationally -- in Detroit. New York has the Russian Baths, but that is a different animal.

Here in Cleveland, elderly men no one wants to see with their shirts off, let alone full Monty, congregate in steam baths. Eating steak after steaming is part of this ritual. According to a 2011 article, the steaks are consumed before anyone has a chance to put their clothes back on.

For those who find the schvitz idea somehow sexist, take heart in the fact that the Cleveland Schvitz hosts ladies’ and co-ed nights. The schvitz seems an indelible institution.

Saline Beach, St. Bart's

Wikipedia provides an exhaustive list of places worldwide where public nudity is practiced. Most do not have the same cachet as going to Saline Beach in St. Bart’s or somewhere on the French Riviera. There is nothing exotic about peddling an exercise bike or eating a steak in the nude.

If I am missing some nuance here and you have more experience than I do, please tell me. But for now, I fail to understand what these nudists cherish about baring it all. I’ll keep my clothes on.