Joe's Turn

Guest blogger and Peter's husband
Joe Purton with Xander

By Joe Purton

As an early birthday present, Peter is giving me the keys to Vertes’Verities and letting me tell my side of the story.

If I had a nickel for every time my actions made him say “I’m putting that in my blog . . . . ”

But let’s be real, Peter may write a mean blog while poking fun at my flirtation with Scientology and my unadventurous eating habits, but he’s not the one who keeps things running behind the scenes. Without me, there wouldn’t be a Vertes’Verities. While he sits around writing verbose blog posts and eating camembert, I’m the one doing the heavy lifting in Moreland Hills.

Payback's a bitch

Here are some things you might not know about Peter:

• He can’t distinguish between the washer and dryer and thinks that laundry magically does itself.

• He has lived in Cleveland most of his life but needs to use navigation when traveling downtown.

Worse, he habitually asks fellow tourists for directions when traveling. He once went so far as to ask for directions from Chinese tourists carrying luggage.

• The opposite of a do-it-yourselfer, he has an army of specialists propping him up. There’s one for everything: plumbers, handymen, gardeners, personal trainers, florists, travel agents, and life coaches. He is amazed anytime he sees me get out my toolbox.

• One time, on a quest for supplementary household help, he invited a shady character he found on Craigslist to do some work around the house. After letting a body- and face-pierced tattooed guy in the house, he put me in charge of working with him.

Not long afterward, Peter announced that he was going to the ATM and would be returning with cash. I was left alone with the inked and pierced man who promptly told me “You have a lot of nice stuff.” We now jokingly refer to this person as “the Craigslist Killer,” but I didn’t think it was funny then.

• Peter’s lack of “do it yourself” know-how even extended to the pancake machine at a Holiday Inn Express, where, out of character, we spent one restless night while attending a family event. Innately impatient and agitated by hunger, he pressed the “start” button repeatedly, as if that would make the pancakes speed up; instead, 7 came off the conveyor belt in rapid succession and ended up on the floor.

• Peter is also a self-diagnosed narcoleptic. It’s curious to me that these bouts often take place when we are watching a movie or TV show that he’s not interested in. On the other hand, get him to a Broadway musical and he will pull an all-nighter.

In Bora Bora

For all his quirks, life with Peter is wonderful. We’ve traveled the world together. From Europe to French Polynesia, our adventures are endless. I am currently celebrating my birthday on a Caribbean getaway. Whether traveling or laughing together at home, our life is amazing. Every day is an adventure, as evidenced in his weekly blog posts.

Now, as I get back to more fun in the sun, when you read the next edition of Vertes’Verities, please remember the unsung hero of Moreland Hills – the one who keeps the gears turning, the light bulbs glowing, and the blog posts flowing.

And Peter? Well, he’ll keep writing, and I’ll keep lifting. It’s the perfect partnership – the yin and yang of storytelling. So raise your glass, my friend. Here’s to more Chinese tourists, pancakes, and the magic of Thursday mornings.

Cheers from backstage.

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