Birthday Reflections: 7½ Regrets

Today I am 62. When I was a child, my grandmother showed her over-the-top love for me by producing towering birthday cakes stacked with 12-inch taper candles, international flags, toy figures, and even bells. If only today’s celebratory lunch at The Grill could end with one of those creations.

As someone once crooned, my regrets are “too few to mention.” In fact, I have exactly 7½. 

I played twenty questions with myself to put age 62 into focus. 

Do you regret…

 

1. Giving up piano lessons with Miss Ciarlillo at age 8?                   

To quit that torture, my dad made me sign an agreement saying I would never regret it. I am contractually bound not to.

Regret score: 0

2. Not going to Sunday School as a kid?

Not really. You don’t miss what you never had. Organized religion wasn't going to be my thing.

Regret score: 0

3. Never diving off the high board?

Slightly. But I don’t know what I could have done about it. I am unathletic and petrified of heights. 

Regret score: ½ 

4. Spending so much money on clothes?
No. It is a form of self-expression.

Regret score: 0

5. Voting for Reagan in ’84?

Hell yes. It's the only blot on an otherwise sterling voting record. I had not yet formed my political identity.

Regret score: 1 for the Gipper

6. Not taking the job at Vanity Fair in London?

Oh, yeah. In '93, Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter offered me a job doing publicity in London. A failure of nerve kept me in New York.

Regret score: 1

7. Not having children?

My mind almost never goes there. My dad offered to facilitate this several times, but I remain contented that he gave me his old red Mercedes convertible as a consolation prize. Cars are much more useful than children, and you don’t have to put them through college. 

Regret score: 0

8. Leaving New York City in ’97?

Nope. It was eating me alive. I could no longer live that lifestyle. My departure set me up to meet Joe, my everything.

Regret score: 0

9. Living in Cleveland?

When I first came back, yes. But today, it feels like a fine place to live. I’ve got a pretty good thing going. 

Regret score: ½

10. Getting off the roller coaster at Cedar Point at the last minute -- and leaving Joe to ride alone?

No. My anxiety became unmanageable while waiting in that line. Getting off the roller coaster was a turning point but decidedly not a metaphor for our relationship. I would never do things I detest under peer pressure again -- including zip lining with Joe in Costa Rica.

Regret score: 0

11. Having had so many jobs?

No. I set out to be a generalist and that allowed me to work on books, magazines, gardens, art, and health. I would have suffocated staying in the same area for thirty-five years. 

Regret score: 0

12. Retiring at 61?

No. Work was never my calling.

Regret score: 0

13. Having an iPhone?

Yes. I have a nasty screen addiction. 

Regret score: 1

14. Not having a signature scent?

Sort of. As someone who once branded organizations for a living, I see the value in people identifying me with a particular scent. White Moss and Santal 33 are two favorites, but I like too many others to stick with only one.

Regret score: ½

15. Not being more diplomatic?

Yes. I can be quite blunt and direct. 

Regret score: 1

16. Having so many plants?

Sometimes. They make me happy but take too much maintenance. 

Regret score: ½

17. Starting so many books you do not finish?

No. If something isn’t engaging me, it’s best to move on.

Regret score: 0

18. Not writing a book?

Yes and no. I don’t think I have the patience to write a book. 

Regret score: ½

19. Starting this blog?

Never! It gives me focus and meaning in my retirement. It helps me to process memories, popular atrocities, and existential threats. And I get to connect with all of you.

Regret score: 0

20. Your age?

No way. That is the tradeoff life demands of us all: relinquishing youth for experience. 

Regret score: 0

Every age is a lucky age. My lack of serious regrets tells me I must be doing something right.