Who Are You?

As a third grader making prank phone calls to my teacher, Mrs. Waldorf, my fun was short-lived. While I inquired whether her refrigerator was running or if she had Prince Edward in a can, her unamused voice came over the line: “Peter? Peter, is that you?” She was on to me in an instant. To this day, I still can't imagine how she knew it was me.

From that moment, I understood the value of anonymity. Mrs. Waldorf never confronted me in class or ratted me out to my parents -- but my cover was blown, and I never bothered her again.

Today, as a blogger, it is gratifying to receive comments on my posts. I love hearing from you. But I am also stymied by the extent to which the feedback I receive is marked as “anonymous.” Now, it feels like I am the one who is being pranked.

 

Consider this tantalizing, secret admiration (edited for grammar):

 

Enjoyable reading, as usual, Peter.

 

Love reading your stories, Peter! They are very interesting, to say the least!

 

Thanks, Peter, for your compositions. Every time I receive a new one, I immediately break into a smile and can't wait to read it. You are one talented person!

 

I’ve known you as a colleague and always as smart, quick, and deliciously dark-humored. Love this, keep it coming!

  

My sincere, dark-humored appreciation goes out to any of you who were kind enough to provide these or other anonymous accolades. I’d thank you directly but, well, you know. I have no idea who you are. 

Then there was this remark on my Harry and Meghan post:

 

Why can’t we throw these people into the oubliette of history and ignore them to irrelevance?

 

“Oubliette” is a royal, 5-star vocabulary word. Which of my readers used it? Without attribution, your kind comments, unfortunately, go into the oubliette of history.

 

And then the succinct:

Can I hear an Amen?

In fairness, the blogging platform I use does not make it easy to leave attributed comments. One must have a Google account, be logged into it, and on top of that, use the Chrome browser. That’s too much to expect of someone who just wants to hear an amen or bestow a casual thumbs-up. These anonymous commentators aren’t necessarily toying with me, they are being ill-served by technology.

 

But the simple workaround is to write one’s name at the end of the comment, as in:

 

You humble me with your genius. – Joe Purton

 

I am beyond lucky to have you in my life. – Joe Purton

 

Your wit and good taste are only surpassed by your good looks. – Joe Purton

 

Joe said to feel free to use him as an example.

 

I will be curious to see if this post garners any attributed commentary. In all humility, I would love to know who is saying what.

 

Maybe the vexation of encountering anonymity is karma for my long-ago calls to Mrs. Waldorf. And you know what they say about karma. 

 

But if I have prompted you to smile or to want to hear an amen, please, go ahead and make my day. For the love of God, step into the light and tell me who you are.